The 10 Pillars Of Marriage Every Couples And Couple-To-Be Should Know

 

If your marriage could talk to you, what do you think it would say? “Hey, great job you’re doing, keep it up!” Or: “You started off strong, but you’ve been letting things slide lately.”

The fact is, your marriage can’t hold things up all on its own: it needs support.

And since you want your marriage to last, you need support that lasts.

Support that won’t buckle under inevitable times of stress. Support that will carry your relationship through life’s crises.

Because it is one of the most important (if not THE most important) aspects of your life, your marriage needs more than good thoughts or crossed fingers to keep it strong it needs pillars.

Although falling in love is wonderfully beyond-words and something that feels like it happens to us (rather than something we make happen), when it comes to love and marriage, the truth is, a successful marriage is built, not magically materialized.

Love and commitment are key, but they are only part of the relationship foundation.

A marriage that stands the test of time is built on effort, mindset, knowledge, habit.

And whether or not your spouse believes your relationship needs this kind of focused attention, you can do much for your marriage entirely on your own.

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Osagie Merry in this book outline in detailed the Pillars of Marriage

The 10 Pillars Of Marriage For Every Couple

1) Empathy

Can you put yourself in your partner’s shoes?

Can you imagine what it feels like to be him/her? Can you see him/her as an ally and more like you than unlike you even in the midst of an argument? This will naturally help you be a more loving and responsive partner and also will shift your perspective in what can be remarkable ways.

2). Mindfulness

What kind of words do you say to your spouse??

Couples have a great deal of power and influence over each other, and somtimes, this fact is ignored or forgotten.

Our primary means of influence are the words we use to express ourselves to our partner.

You have to decide to make your partner feel loved, supported, and connected through what you say to him/her.

3). Humility

Sometimes people think expressing humility means giving away your power. Not at all. True humility doesn’t mean becoming a doormat; it means putting aside arrogance and the belief that your way is always the best way.

4). Gratitude

Do you feel grateful for what you already have in your life, or are you only focused on what’s lacking? Do you even feel grateful to God for leading your spouse to your way?

Be grateful to what ever your partner offers you before you complained.

5). Honesty

Are you contributing honesty to the relationship/Marriage or are you adding deception into the mix?

Are you being your authentic self or are you closing your true self off?

Do you care of how much your partner would be hurt if they found out that secret??
Most people tends to lost their Confidence in marriage towards their partner when they found out their partner have been dishonest towards them.

Winning back your partner confidence and trust after betraying them is Herculean.

Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions you are to make in life, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations.”

More than half of all legal marriages that are entered into in Africa are heading towards divorce expecially amongst celebrities.

A marriage that ends in divorce is not a successful marriage.

A successful marriage is one that is enduring, and has endured, the many hits that are an inevitable.

Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine.”—James E. Faust

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Sweetie, Marriage demands work. A happy marriage exacts the very best of us. Yet above all, maintaining a successful marriage is a choice.

If your marriage MUST work, you must be deliberate in your approached towards it.

“The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and emotional growth.”

Don’t pray to God in the morning when you haven’t kissed your wife good morning!

A false notion about marriage is a belief in the fairy tale phrase, They married and lived happily ever after.’ To achieve marital happiness, it is necessary that couples work together to overcome difficulties and temptations, and they must show a willingness to meet the other challenges that will always be a part of their married life together. There is no happily ever after it rains everywhere.

Dee W. Hadley said Marriage, like any other worthwhile activity, requires time and energy. It takes at least as much time to keep a marriage in shape as it does for a weight lifter to keep his body in shape.”

6). Integrity

This pillar of integrity is very crucial in the building of a successful marriage and do much to ensure a strong structure. It is also called commitment or honor.

In order for your marriage to be successful, or solid, it must be founded upon principles that both you and your spouse agree, and which you both are stellar in keeping.

You must inspect each other to decide if you both have what it takes together to build a strong and lasting marriage based on principles that both embrace as true.

7). Respect

Respect and trust in a marriage co-exist. It is not possible to have one without the other. When both marriage partners trust that both in the marriage have the same values and beliefs they able to then trust one another in all things, which are done independently in that marriage. Therefore, pillar two is respect.

A wife generally knows, unless there are extenuating circumstances involved, how her husband will act in a given situation, and very similar to the way she would likely conduct herself. This is based on the fact that both partners in the marriage trust that they share similar values and beliefs; and generally will act accordingly.

Endurance: Endurance, in my opinion, is much more powerful than commitment alone. If we are to lay claim to a successful marriage we simply must stick with it no matter what! Remember, marriage is ordained by God and is a covenant.

Covenants with God, require integrity, respect and the ability to endure all that will come our way in this life, with hope of positive end results.

8). THE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE CHRIST CENTRED

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22

As a woman, it is WRONG to respect your pastor more than you do your husband. There are some things you should never say to your husband. Never ever disrespect your husband. Venerate him. Submit to your husband irrespective of your mood. Your mood shouldn’t be the standard, God’s word should.

As a man, put your wife first. Love her. Always make sure that the decisions you make do not threaten her comfort in anyway. Make her happy. Love her the way Christ loves the church.

9). Communication

Communication is very important. Men and women communicate differently and if you don’t understand these differences, your marriage will be prone to breakdown.

Whenever, a marriage breakdown it is traceable to a break in communication.

Men are thinkers, they can stay on their own and live in their minds for days.

Women on the other hand are talkers.

They love to talk. As a man, you must CREATE time to talk to your wife.

There are men that carry dreams in their head for days, sometimes weeks, at times months and they don’t tell their wives.

No matter how busy you are, your wife is priority, you must communicate with her.

Women talk for affection, it is one of their ways of showing love.

What she is saying might not make sense to you, still listen; and when she opens up to you, don’t give her a solution yet.

Listen first, sympathize first and then come up with solutions later.

Men on the other hand talk for information. They are either informing you about something, or inquiring about something.

Women, understand that men don’t read minds, so whenever you are not pleased with something, say it. In a marriage setting, communication must be free.

No one should know you intimately, more than your spouse. Don’t be wary of training of your spouse. Due to differences in background and some other factors, you will experience a communication gap naturally. Keep training your spouse until they get it. (PST K. OKONKWO).

10). Pray Together

Pray with your spouse and pray for your spouse each day. Be a Christian example to your spouse. Scripture gives this instruction to wives who have non-Christian husbands.

“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1).

Your loving, giving, Christian example can go a long way toward positively influencing your spouse.

We all need to acknowledge God and our Savior in every aspect of our lives. Scripture exhorts us:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5–6).