How To Avoid Fight In Relationship/Marriage
Communication is hard, especially in relationships.
But, in order for a relationship to be healthy, there needs to be consistent communication and collaboration, even during disagreements.
Intentionally shutting down during an argument, also known as stonewalling or the silent treatment can be hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship.
Although a refusal to communicate or express emotion often occurs during a conflict, in some cases it may be present anytime one partner wants to discuss something.
The immediate reaction of the other partner is to shut down and refuse to speak.
When ask what is wrong, the common Response is “NOTHING” if you checked very well with an Electron Microscope, there are magnitude of things under the NOTHING.
If you don’t open your mouth to tell Him/Her what is happening or what you are feeling, it is very wrong to accuse them they don’t care about you.
This is even more offensive when you are asked what the matter is and you can’t give a decisive response.
My apex is not a prophetess or a seer I don’t expect her to know what is on my mind.
That is why I have to keep talking to her.
In Relationship/Marriage, 80% of our time is done talking to each other.
If the Reason you are rushing into Marriage is to be having premuim sex everyday, it will soon end in tears.
People who stonewall (the act of Avoiding someone) may do so to avoid escalating a fight or to avoid discussing an uncomfortable topic.
They also might be afraid of their partner’s reaction and desperately want to keep the peace.
In extreme cases, stonewalling (avoiding Someone) is used to manipulate a situation, maintain control in the relationship, or to inflict punishment.
Stonewalling (avoiding your spouse) is rarely effective. And, if it becomes a habit, it can reduce a couple’s ability to resolve conflicts or interact intimately.
Do you grab??
Stonewalling (the act of Avoiding your partner) may be an incidental reaction to a specific situation.
Or, it can be a long-standing behavioral feature that defines the relationship.
Find Out Some Of The Causes Of Stonewalling
1: Diminished Feelings towards your partner.
Most of us must have entered into a Relationship only to find out the feelings you have for the person suddenly diminishes over time reason might be you thought the person is nice only to discover He/She is a Full package waybill idiot.
2: A way of Ending a Relationship
This one is very common, most people use STONEWALLING to end a Relationship. (If He/She call me and I nor pick he go move on).
Most people suddenly start avoiding their partner when they are no longer interested in the Relationship.
For about four days they might not call. Even when you call them they do not pick your calls neither return them.
When you call them again and they pick their excuse is I was busy.
What are you busy doing????
I was busy breathing.
I was busy opening the fridge.
It’s such a hectic job to breath this days.
They are STONEWALLING.
3: A means to manipulate a situation so that they can get their way.
Most people Avoid their partner when they want to get something out of them, they do so in a Quest to make them feel guilty.
4: A fear of their partner’s reaction or where a talk may lead
Most people due to fear of where the argument may lead to, they can decide to give some space for their partner to calm down. I usually like this and my Baby is good at this. Give me some space.
This is a genuine way of handling conflicted Argument though may not work for all.
HE WILL CALL
NO, LET HER CALL ME SHE IS AT FAULT.
I AM NOT GOING TO CALL HE SHOULD CALL FIRST.
This is how so many Relationship end.
Before you know it two weeks have past none of you called each other.
How to Overcome Stonewalling/Avoidance
Some people will call it malice.
If stonewalling occurs within your relationship/Marriage, it is best to deal with it as a couple.
Whether you are the stonewaller or the person being stonewalled, you cannot keep avoiding your partner and expect the issue to be resolved.
Doing so only assigns blame and ends up diminishing the larger issues in the relationship/Marriage.
SEEK A REDRESS
Because a relationship/Marriage is unlikely to succeed without “communication” and “collaboration”, you need to find the right tools to “reprogram” old communication habits.
This situation is one where couples counseling can help.
One Practical way to do this is understand why the stonewalling is taking place.
As a couple, learn to identify behaviors or practices that lead to stonewalling.
Once those are identified, you can then be plan a Structured approached to communication it.
When Seeking Resolution During Stonewalling, Follow This Step
1: Sit your partner down in a neutral place outside your home and take a pen and biro and list out the problems you both are facing
2: You both need to take a look at this problem identified if it’s capable of causing conflict in your marriage or Relationship (of course it can.)
3: So now that you both understand it’s capable of causing conflicts, how do you both address it.? Ask your selves, seek each other opinion on it
4: Do you both have any idea how you can address it now? If yes COMMUNICATE it to each other right there.
NOTE: I am sorry is not an act of Redressing an issue. Don’t ever sweep an issue under the carpet burn it.
5: Fix a day you both will come to that same spot to Evaluate how far you both have gone in addressing the issue. Even if you both lives together
6: You both will need to Pray together as well inviting God presence in your Relationship or Marriage.
Over to you…
I do hope these tips help you make the best out of your marriage/relationships.