Intimacy always involves risk. But whether for friendship or for love, it’s a risk most people are willing to take even to search out because connection is our surest path to transcendence.
Becoming close to another person is one of the most thrilling experiences in the human repertoire, both the bedrock of emotional security and a passport to self-expansion.
If the relationship is a romantic one and intimacy is as much the essence of deep friendship as of lasting Love or joy carries the added charge of desire.
Now Let See it this way
Life is all about intimacy.
There is nothing you have possessed now that don’t carry your likeness.
What ever you are buying with your money, It must first caught your attention or be attracted to you.
Now, for a Relationship to to survive and Grow, for a Marriage to continue to flourished, you need to maintain Intimacy between you and your spouse….
Love covereth Multitudes of sins so does the Holy Book says…
This means that if you love someone you will protect them, The Love we talk about here is INTIMACY
Although the term intimacy is often used as a euphemism for sex, anyone with a dear friend knows that physical attraction is not essential for any two people to create a true bond. Intimacy is what you share with another human being who truly “Love” you.
intimacy keeps open a channel for sharing the moments that are too saturated to contain unburdening ourselves when distressed or disappointed, exulting when joys and triumphs swell our hearts.
Issues we can’t discuss with other People, we tend to freely share it with those we are intimate with… This means that in a Relationship, there aught not to be secret between you two if really there is intimacy.
Come on…. Intimacy brings about Trust, Security, Assurance, Understanding, Respect and Responsibility.
Now if a Relationship want to crash, the very first thing that wears off is the Feeling between both partners… The intimacy between you both begins to diminished…
Matters that you both will over look when you guys just started the Relationship, becomes an issue the whole community can’t settle except by the Gods himself…..
Sometimes calling the boy and is not picking is a quarrel….. Many things begins to run through your head…. “I first talk am say this boy nor love me as he talk am…. See now i dey call am he nor dey pick…. This relationship don End…”
Now on a Normal day when the Intimacy between you and this guy was Still on high speed, if you call him and he isn’t picking up, you sent a text because you understand how busy he can be….??♂ But now you have become a ranting fellow…
Why….?
Because your feelings for him has go dime even before you pronounce it!
FORMS OF INTIMACY AMONG COUPLES
FORMS OF INTIMACY
Before you can work on the intimacy in your marriage or relationship, you must understand its categories.
It’s most basic level can be broken into 5 categories:
Emotional Intimacy, Intellectual Intimacy, Physical Intimacy, Experiential Intimacy, and Spiritual Intimacy.
Intimacy in all of its forms are crucial, they’re requisite for human growth.
Let’s explore these in terms of how they apply to a romantic relationship:
Emotional intimacy: People’s biggest fear of intimacy is often the emotional aspect. When we talk Emotional Intimacy the most important thing to remember is, time. Of all the forms of intimacy, becoming emotionally intimate takes the most time, most vulnerability, and most communication. It requires that you and your partner make active and conscious choices to speak, confide, and trust in one another through “emotional bids” or “emotional calls.” People experience emotional intimacy when they feel comfortable sharing their feelings (good and bad) with each other. For example, you tell your spouse that you feel insecure about your body after gaining a few pounds. Intellectual intimacy: When it comes to intellectual intimacy, people feel safe sharing their ideas and opinions, even when they don’t see eye to eye on the matter. For example, you and your spouse discuss your personal political opinions, even though you follow different parties. Physical intimacy: Often couples get so locked into the false rhetoric that to build intimacy, you must participate in some form of sexual activity. Physical Intimacy can exist in holding hands, cuddling, and even a date night of dancing. In fact, a series of recent case studies found that dancing helped reduce jealousy in relationships, and helped clarify the line of intimacy against sexuality in new relationships. While Physical Intimacy is often seen as the highest form of intimate interaction, many also see it as the most reserved.
Experiential intimacy: People engage in experiential intimacy when they bond during day to day activities or work together to accomplish a mission. For example, you help your spouse to fix the flat tire on your car, handing her the tools she needs.
Spirituality is highly personal, and while it may revolve around a religious theology, it might also be centered in growth habits or meditative practices. Since spirituality looks to better the sense of self on the whole, inviting your partner to share these ideals and practices promotes a sense of spiritual growth as a couple, regardless of foundational belief.. When a couple is spiritually intimate they tend to:
* Be More Accepting of Their Partner
* Reconcile, or “Meet In The Middle,” More Easily..
♠ Commit Time to Understanding Differences..
* Respect and Understand Values that Don’t Align with Their Own..
* Allow Their Partner to Engage in Their Comfort Zone.
Lastly there is a spiritual bonding when you pray for your spouse while making Love ? Yes, do not disengage but bless him/her… am not saying you should speak in tongues o ? or raise prayer point nah just pray silently in your heart.
It’s not just a day practice cause some people get distracted while making love and can’t recover the feeling so it something you practice bit by bit.
The 5 Types of Intimacy are good guideposts to checking into your relationship at any phase. Remember that relationships, intimacy, love, and growth are about effort, intentionality and time; something no amount of swiping left and right can offer you instantly.
Habits of Maintaining Intimacy
1. Engage in Physical Intimacy: this is one of the most important parts of the romantic relationship. Explore ways in which you and your partner can build trust through Physical Intimacy without relying on sex. Even hugs have been proven to build trust and even your immune system. Also try:
* Couples Workouts
* Dancing
* Couples Massages
* Talking
Any act that gets you and partner close, and thinking on the same page is beneficial and of course… sex.
2. Practice Free and open Communication: this is a great way to get to know each other better, to support and understand yourself… it can also help to solve problems and avoid quarrels.
3. Find New ways to Connect with one another: You should always try to find something new about yourselves. Fine *new topics* to discuss, new places to go and new goals to achieve… and lastly new sex positions to practicalize, this helps to renew your connection and become closer.
4. Fix Any Fight You might have within the Day: You should intentionally not go to bed until you solve your problems at times this might almost seem impossible cause their are times you both will refuse to yield because of
anger or pride. Discuss the problem and fix it, by discussing you will see reasons why there is an issue and settle it amicably and by doing this before going to bed, there is a sexual intimacy.
5. Give Complement to one another: You should intentionally try to increase each other’s self esteem by compliment yourselves. Express your love!
Build yourselves, by building; your spouse gets intimate with you because they realize you’ve got their interest at heart.
6. Share Joke together: Humor is one of those things which unite 2 loving hearts even more. Don’t be boring ? just have fun together. Jokes and funny situations will make your life together bright.
Talk About Your Future; Everyone finds interest in a person that has a bright future, some people are afraid to talk about it ? they don’t want to frighten their partner and destroy their relationship. However the couples who ain’t afraid to discuss their future, are the strongest. They really love each other and want to stay together despite a possible obstacle.
With all the activities happening daily, how do you generate the time for INTIMACY?
Prioritize your relationship: There are a million of things to do, and yes we’ve got just 24hrs in a day but our “significant other is significant for a reason” so find time & priroritize your relationship. You can work on this by *scheduling a date night* this keeps your relationship interesting and fun it pushes you to make time for each other.
2. Find ways to Appreciate your partner: At most times it’s very easy to ignore all the wonderful things your partner does, but seeing his/her fault, is very easy to notice. Little things you do to appreciate your spouse builds attraction and connection… a way to do this is to write a love note (this depends on your partner) *different strokes, for different folks* tell him/her sweet words or what you desire about them or your sexual desire which can slack something up.. There are simple ways of showing appreciation.
3. Honour You: “ you can’t communicate what you want, if you don’t know what you want or need” so explore you I.e self awareness, this will give you self esteem and help you explain you.
Now Let Take A Look At The Antithesis Of Intimacy or Better still what Diminishes Intimacy.
Social isolation Science has long established that the lack of close relationships is as much a risk factor for mortality as smoking. The wider our social circle, the better our chances of warding off Toxic Relationship. The depth and nature of our ties to one another matter, too:
It is not the day your spouse told you “Its over” he/she broke up with you, he/she have Broken up with you before even saying it.
Pst kingsley he said no body breaks up with you suddenly.
Intimacy begins when a person shares something emotionally meaningful with someone else.
This is not an act of sex!
Building Intimacy with someone has to do with sharing vital information about your self with the opposite person.
Now when you begin your Relationship on a foundation of sex because you think he will love you more, you are not building intimacy what you are building is an act of pleasure.
Now Because you both have Succeeded in building the Relationship on pleasure through the act of sexual intercourse, He can only calls you most when he is Horny and you can only call him probably when you are in need.
You both cannot share vital information to spice up intimacy because that wasn’t your foundation..
He calls you and the following communication takes place
Boy: Hello
Girl: How far
Boy: How was your day?
Girl: Am fine o… where are you
Boy: Am home missing you baby… Can you show up tonight… (Show up like a prostitute/Runs girl…)
Girl: Hmmmm let see how it goes i will sha… (Girls are usually not straight with such questions even though they will ?)
The girl shows up, they had sex and next morning the girl leaves… No communications, no planning no intimate talk…. Months to months year to years.
Social penetration theory, which defines the processes of relationships, holds that in building intimacy, whether with a friend or a romantic prospect, we engage in exploration.
You must be determined to explore the mind of your prospects and you are never going to find the truth out of them when they have seen your pant… Trust me we humans are very Intelligent and disrespectful.
Researchers liken the process of Exploration to peeling an onion, removing the layers of our selves and offering attention and support as the person we’re getting close to does the same.
You might not like this…
man-and-woman In an argument
Transparency or Sincerity should not begin in marriage it should begin in a Relationship.
He said when you both are married he will tell you how much he is Earning then he is not ready!
Everything should be displayed and Naked in Relationship so that if i don’t like what am seeing, i simply take a walk.
You must have it in your subconscious that not Every lady you see are capable of becoming your wife!
Not every man you see are capable of becoming your Husband… Some men are boys in men Skin…
As exchanges become ongoing, the two people alternating between confessor and confidant, they build trust, affection, and, at some point, identity as a pair.
The process feels emotionally edgy because we’re gradually letting down defenses we may have maintained since childhood or adolescence, when we learn to hide those aspects of ourselves that trigger social rejection. You can’t really get serious about a love relationship or call someone a close confidant until you’re ready to tell the person about the darkest moments of your life. Indeed, every step forward in intimacy is a gamble.
The information you’re revealing could be used to hurt you that i know
Let talk about HOW TO SEEK Intimacy Without Using Sex as a Bait…
There’s a difference between being willing to build intimacy and being willful about it, determined to make a relationship happen.
80% of Men these days are Not Willful to build an Intimacy all they want is the willingness to build an Entanglement so they can have someone who they can call when it rains.
The very first step of building an intimacy is:
1. Gradual and Reciprocal self Disclosure..
Dating is nothing if not a process of gradual and here’s the important part _reciprocal self-disclosure_, and the risks of self-disclosure can feel particularly acute during dating.
Do not be in a haste to be into your partner, it is almost irritating to be with a partner who seems forward in disclosing their identity.
It’s easy to make a misstep in the pace of intimacy building: A person probes too soon for your deepest secrets or unloads too many of his or her own. In rushing to get to know you, the person fails to truly see you.
2. DEFINED YOUR GOAL
Not everyone in the dating game is seeking intimacy. The traditional notion of Relationship emphasizes trust, honesty, connection, and other markers of closeness.
smiling couple dressed in white
But people may date for many reasons:
A)To ease feelings of social isolation,
B) To have fun, or to build their own self-esteem, (Men telling their friends Haaa you nor see that girl…? I don knack ooooo and his friends begins to Hail him…)
Even when two people are open to establishing romantic intimacy, being too purposeful can be counterproductive.
Don’t push, But follow side by side.
3. Sex does not improve Intimacy in Relationship
When two people start dating, the question of when to have sex seems pivotal, in part because there’s a widespread expectation that sex brings partners closer together. Desire for emotional closeness and feelings of connection are among the top reasons both men and women cite for having sex.
But all this are all scam of the Devil Antics…. The Lady most times feels cheated and used when things go side ways and the guy carefully sit in his room with a smile telling himself “i don knack that one” he moves to the Next…. It is not so for females…. So you Must choose whom you open the legs for…. Does he worth your tears should things go south…..? Because things are always going south in this country.
Lovely
This is too on point. God increases you sir.
Great lesson thanks